copyright © 2000 Julia R. Himes
Quotes of the Day

"I have a large tongue . . . what else can I use it for . . . " -Shauna

Rose: Julia do you wear underwear?
Julia: Um . . . yeah . . . of course
Rose: Darn

"It's not porn . . . it's Smith!" -Dana
"Now where did my nipples go?" -Janelle
"Where does it itch . . . I've experienced . . .many times" -Rose to Dana
"It all comes back to the blood . . . " -Maia

"I'm already wet so. . . " -Julia
"I'm feeling a *little* wet now . . . " -Janelle

Dana: I'm changing my pants because well . . .
Janelle: You're wet!
Dana: I'm very wet!

"I don't like spicy things . . . " -Julia
"Ever since I heard the song moist vagina . . . " -Rose
"Moist . . . that's such a dirty word." -Maia

Scene Of the Day: Everyone out in the rain

"Oh My God, my underwear is so very definitely soaked." -Janelle
"There is water in my pants!!!" -Rose

Rose: You can kiss my a**
Leatt: Maybe later *wink wink nod nod*

"Come on Rose, I'll be the man!" -Janelle
"Sure, I'll make it organic." -Dana

Janelle: Render me . . . Gender me?
Dana: Any way you like me.

"Experimenting. . . " -Janelle (and the whole room perked up)

Janelle: He's not really comfortable with girls
Leila and Rose: I think we could do something about that
Janelle: Oh I tried.

"I'm not sexual!" -Janelle
"Everything I do in my home town; I'm sexual." -Janelle
"And I'm like . . . I'll suck your dick!!" -Rose about the rich guy

Janelle: I'm so not a nympho . . .
Rose: I'm a nympho!!!

"I've got a single . . . we could be loud!!!" -Rose

Scene of the Day: Janelle locking Rose and herself in her closet and exiting blushing.

"You know sometimes when I'm alone I relate to myself . . . I CAN RELATE TO THAT."
-Janelle quoting the Nutty Professor

Janelle: Oh Rose you're making me drop stuff
Leila: You know what that means . . .
Janelle: I'm gonna drop something

"I DID . . . I broke him in!!!!!" -Janelle
"How did my shirt get unbuttoned . . . and . . . where is my bra!!??" -Rose
"I love sex . . .I'd really like to have sex . . . right now . . . I would like some sex with a nice side of foreplay . . . and a nice cold glass of water afterwards!" -Janelle
"If I don't scream . . . then you don't come!" -Rose

Janelle: Hillary are you peeing?
Hillary: Um . . . Yeah
Janelle: Damn

"So if we're dating do I get some." -Janelle to Jenn
"I love sugar daddy's!" -Shauna

"Ever since I came to smith I haven't wanted chocolate." -Janelle
"We're sitting here eating my package." -Julia
"Okay you threw a jelly bean in my crotch!" -Julia to Janelle
"I'm bleeding but not where I wanna be!" -Dana
"I like seducing bartenders!" -Maia
"Why does this surprise you . . . just because I'm all about sex!?!?!" -Janelle

"It's never to early to be a skank!" -Maia

Rose: If I take the jacket off do I have skank appeal
Jamie: You have skank appeal with the jacket ON

"You guy's always have skank appeal!" -Jamie
"I want to be a skano-Roman wrestler." -Rose
"I like to be picked up be skanky guys though . . . " -Rose
"I want a spanking!" -Lydia
"You have no idea how very little self control I have." -Rose

Scene of the day:
Maia: Hey guys there's a car full of GUYS! (and the whole room rushes to the window)

Scene of the day: Dana looking in through the window
Actually it wasn't very funny to any of us inside, and we were quite upset. See the kind of love we get from our HONS

"It's pretty hard to pop your own cherry." -Dana to Janelle in amazement
"Nobody lives in Wisconsin." -Rose

"My nipples are still sore!!!" -Dana yelling to the world.
"You can always benefit from using your hands." -Dana
"It's called the 'lets get you into bed' swing." -Janelle
"I fucking need some." -Janelle
"Take me Rose!" -Janelle
"Put your hip right there . . . lie down for crying out loud . . . your leg has to interlock with mine on the count of three!" -Rose to Janelle about Indian Wrestling

Rose: You're no fun to wrestle with
Janelle: You didn't tell me how to wrestle with you before you began

"Chem can suck my dick." -Janelle
"Chem can kiss my ass and suck your dick." -Rose

Janelle: You've never used a tampon
Dana: No I have, I've never used a tampon correctly

"I'm definitely sensing a transfer" -Dana

SOD Dana giving Jenn vibes AND IT WORKED!

"I'm definitely getting very vibey." -Dana
"I'm the Sahara of ovarian eggs." -Dana
"Alright, when is it coming . . . Janelle I'm getting anxious . . . You told me something was coming."
-Dana
"Who need's identity if you've got super-absorbent" -Dana
"No. We won't touch you in any way." -Dana

Dana + Jenn: What if we were to both have sex with OUR girlfriend. We'd both win
Janelle: SO would I

"Look I've seen bigger alright." -Janelle
"Fuck you, I'm going to piss!" -Janelle

"It's great when it vibrates isn't it!" -Rebecca
"Come to mama . . . Oh Yeah . . . this is better than a Friday night." -Dana to tickle me Elmo

Scene of the Day
Dana sucking on Elmo's eye

"So is it true that when someone licks your eyeball you feel high?" -Monica

Scene of the Day
Dana trying to lick her own eyeball

"Monica = Crack." -Nellie
"I'm not examining your scalp, I'm just picking through it." -Janelle
"Isn't she the one with the boobs like the size of my head!" -Monica
"I never find porn sites . . ." -Leslie in dismay
" . . .I have no positions." -Maia
" . . . And I've never considered being a math major so you can bite me!" -Mary Carol

Monica: If it's 9 am and you know half the house is showering then you might not want to go in there with someone.
Dana: Maybe you do

"You get good hook-ups with alumnus." -Heather
"Oh I can't wait 'til Travis gets here." -Rose about shower hours

"You'll be able to tell if I've got my period because you'll be like *sniff sniff* 'Hi Janelle' " -Janelle
"Hey I had two ladies in my bed last night . . . I'm awake." -Janelle
"When Travis gets here there's going to be trouble because my mattress slides." -Rose
"They go to the bread basket of the world, the ancient Wisconsin or something." -Prof. Joel Kaminsky
"Oh God, I miss the yellow cheese." -Rose

"Oh I learned about this in Psyche, part of your brain is fucked up, you know . . . the . . . the clitoris"
-Janelle to Julia
"Help me get her off me . . . stop touching me . . . I don't like it when you look at me with that glint in your eye." -Rose to Janelle

Janelle: open or closed
Rose: either's fine

"I'm taking two queer classes this semester. I love being queer!" -Dana
"Rose you keep singing 'Take Me Now' You have to expect that someone's going to take you." -Janelle
"That's my song" -Rose about 'Take Me Now'
"I am the queen of tacks." -Janelle

Janelle: I'm sorry I'm easily excited.
Dana: I've noticed

"I'm a hooker." -Jenn
"I felt like a stripper." -Jamie
"Rose is up for that I hear she's horney." -Rose
"I'll show you tomorrow." -Jamie to Jenn about her sports bra
"I flashed him." -Rose about Sugar Ray
"Oh I think there is stuff to do during the long winter evenings." -Julia
"Listening to aqua is like watching porn . . . it's the same thing over and over." -Janelle
"Trav knows he's in love . . . that's because I TOLD him." -Rose
"I want a guy who has hip action like that." -Rose
" . . . and Barney Fife . . . that's all I need." -Hillary
"I'm gonna be that kind of old lady (rubbing a young guys chest)" -Janelle
" . . . and he had handcuffs . . ." -Rose in a state of *warmth*

Hillary: She's the dominatrix type
Rose: There's nothing wrong with that

Leatt: What's her name?
Rose: Skanky Bitch

"They don't need music 'cause they have their feet." -Rose
"And I didn't even need a tampon." -Joey about miracles
"Have you seen Dana's nipples?!?" -Joey
"Dana Fucking Re, show me your tits." -Shauna
"Oh I'll take you to places you've never been!" -Shauna to Jamie
"Careful of my nipples." -Dana in distress

"I'm one of those people who is perpetually hot." -Julia

Scene of the Day: Everyone thinking Mary Carol was about to disrobe

"I'm the best hooker on the team!" -Jenn
"I don't even remember being asked to leave." -Shauna

"They're coming, they're coming, they're coming . . . ." -Maia, Rose, and Janelle shouting

Rose: Hey Maia what are you doing tonight at 11:30
Maia: I'm coming

"If you play with it, of course it'd going to come." -Janelle
"I like how I didn't play with mine and it came anyway." -Janelle

S. O. D. Dana and Janelle on the porch swing having an *orgasmic* time

"Hey my boots are 100% horney cows." -Leslie
"Why don't we just kill all those with penises too big for Leslie?!" -Dana

"They were making out lovingly and now he's gonna flip her and . . . FUCK her." -Margot
"Get up . . now you get on top . . . I'm sick of being on the top . . . I want to be on the bottom for once." -Dana to Janelle
"You better clean up . . . your pants are wet." -Margot
"The general populous fucketh." -Janelle
"Janelle already, would you hurry up and get off." -Dana
"I don't know whose leg is between my thighs." -Rebecca

"What the world needs is more sleep, hugs, and sessions." -Julia
"Your boobs attacked me!" -Andi to Julia
"How can you brush them after . . . YOU DON'T WEAR PANTS TO BED!!!" -Jamie to Stephanie

Rose: There's always a part in my pants
Hillary: And that's open invite too.

Conversation of the day: Discussion of our "companies' status"

"My knees hurt . . .I've been on them all day." Jamie
"I like to take pictures of them in action." -Rose

Scene of the Day: Rose "petting" herself

Jamie: Why are his pants off?
Rose: . . .we were wet.

"You can find a lot of *fun* things on the internet." -Leatt

Rose: If you're gonna be on the pill you should at least be having sex.
Jamie: That's what I've been telling all the guys I meet.

"If you click on them they get bigger." -Rose
"This is the weirdest life I've lived." -Jenn
"I'm gonna push my prop in and get off quick." -Jamie's flank

"My pants are falling down . . . help me!" -Dana
"I haven't been center in a really long time." -Rose
"Rebecca, you've got Dana and don't touch her nipples." -Louisa
"Get on her ass!" -Rebecca to Dana about Jenn

Dana: Just wait until January and then you all can join me for a big orgy
Julia: Unless it's Wednesday, I'm not coming
Janelle: I thought Thursday was orgy day?
Julia: But Wednesday's orgy night
Dana: wait, if it's Thursday we missed it and have a whole week to wait. What if we make Friday orgy night
Janelle: What if we make every night orgy night

"I'm sorry I had to go back there." -Janelle
"That's okay we'll get down on our knees too." -Janelle

Scene of the Day: Janelle and Maia massaging Dana's head in an attempt to make her a blond

Dana: I didn't mean to insult your hole like that
Janelle: My hole isn't that big
Dana: But it's so public

"It's so wet, it's so wet and when I put my hand in it, it gets all slimy and sticky. . . . Bend over (to Dana) . . . . Julia can you take the hair out of my face (approaching in a frightening manner with latex gloves)." -Janelle

Janelle: Whoa I'm dripping
Dana: you're so wet on the inside that you're dripping

"Janelle you dripped on my face." -Dana
"There's an ear in your hair." -Maia to Dana
"Take it off, take it all off." -Janelle to Dana
"You're not good at squeezing tubes." -Janelle to Dana

"Get on your knees bitch." -Jamie
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck me . . . I need some help." -Maia
"It was hard and slippery and it fell in my crotch." -Maia

Scene of the Day
Erica thoroughly enjoying her chocolate "pussy"

"You already gave me a hickey there." -Dana to Jenn
"My wound is feeling interesting on the inside . . . wooooooooooo." -Erica
"Open your mouth and let me see the inside or your . . . . " -Janelle to Erica
"I used to have nice silver balls. I seem to have lost them." -Janelle

Scene of the Day
Moonlight dance party in honor of Julia's happy week which culminated in a cult like dance around Janelle's umbrella

"I tried to lick it but it didn't taste good . . . you have to get it really wet." -Rebecca
"I can do amazing things with my teeth . . . don't worry." -Erica to Jenn
"Moving pillows are fun . . . like vibrating beds." -Jenn

Erica: Don't lick me anymore
Jenn: I wasn't licking I was biting
Erica: No it felt like you were licking
Jenn: NO, let me show you . . . .

"It's very see through . . . I like it!" -Maia to Rose

Scene of the Day
Everyone dancing on the porch dressed for immorality some highlights including Erica as a bouncer, Dana's interesting dance, and quite a rendition of "It's not right, but it's okay"
Janelle: Do you want me on my knees?
Dana: No, just turn around

Dana: We're going to have to do this up close
Janelle: So you need me between your knees?

"I don't want you to touch my tongue." -Rose to Maia
"We all know how long Rose's tongue is." -Janelle
"Get closer, look at me baby . . . I love when you look at me." -Dana to Janelle
"I'm getting shit done between Dana's legs." -Janelle
"I'm not running . . . " -Jess, as Rose begins a strip tease
"Oh Shit, I'm not wearing any underwear." -Rose as she starts to take off her pants
"Oh Rosie, there's a garbage can here, that could be dangerous." -Maia

Maia: Ow Rose. You're biting my neck . . . you have sharp teeth
Rose: Trav told me that once

"I got you baby . . . and your hands are in my cooch." -Rose to Maia
"Whenever I see a woman in Vaseline I'm like oooooooohhhhh *eyebrows raised" -Janelle
"Vaseline and plastic, baby, what it's all about." -Janelle

"I'm having issues with your body." -Dana to Maia

Janelle: Why is everyone around me singing?
Leslie: We're in a musical (obviously implied)

"Your head . . .my head . . .your head . . .my head . . . your head . . . my head . . . and then we use our hands." -Janelle to Rose
"We should play a game . . . lie down!" -Rose to Janelle
"Yes Katie your boobs are sticking out." -Monica at the top of her lungs
"This is so very Smith . . . only you should be a woman." -Dana to Chris (Jenn's brother) as she shaved his head
"We're all about straddling here at Sessions." -Erica
"I'm a mango mama" -Dana
"So, I can pop off your top?" -Dana to Maia
"Oh Shit, I broke my top." -Dana
"Now I have to go get it . . . that's the only problem with popping your top." -Janelle
"Oh Baby I love it when you kiss me there." -Dana to Rose
"Anybody else want a bite of my pickle?" -Dana
"Can I tickle your pickle?"-Janelle to Dana

Janelle: I'm just not in a skanky mood, sorry
Maia: I'm always in a skanky mood

"Don't you know she's a tramp!?!!!?!!?" -Ine about Rose

Leslie: It's under my ass
Louisa: Note to self: don't use controller anymore

"You can't touch my ass!" -Leslie to Rose
"Rose! Go for the butt, go for the butt!." -Ine
"Why are we going for Shauna's butt?" -Nellie
"Somebody's hand is in my bra! Someone's hand was up my shirt and it wasn't mine." -Rose

Scene of the Day: Katie tickling Ine into convulsions then wresting with Rose for the controller

"Yeah! Let's play doctor." -Louisa in a state of excitement
"There's three kinds of women at smith; we, not we, and Lesbians." -Louisa in a Scottish accent
"Stacy and Than are not so much here." -Katie
"I thought you liked it when my shirt came up." -Rose to Hillary

Ine: Loving women doesn't mean having sex with them.
Louisa: Speak for yourself

Scene of the Day:
Monica and Dana encouraging Cutter to take down the "girl in the Williams shirt" during indoor soccer

Scene of the Day: Dana's attempt to resuscitate Monica on the gym floor

"On her ass Louisa, on her A-S-S!" -Dana
"Why would they be telling us to make love?" -Nellie as Leslie starts to jump up and down
"It's like the children with the corn." -Dana

Maia to Janelle: Let me taste it, I wanna know what I'm getting into
Janelle: I've heard that before
Jenn: What's the verdict?
Maia: Doable
Janelle: I've heard that before too

Scene of the Day
Leila suddenly grinning when she realizes that what Rose is pointing out to her is a guy

"We should have a rave with flashing lights and drugs in pill form." -Leslie

"Erin hold me!" -Janelle commanding
"I'm sorry but this is like good cop . . insane cop." -Rob on the X-Files
"Gee Shauna, I love how you rub your butt on my legs." -Jamie

Jamie to Shauna: Do you want to cum yes or no?
Stephanie: I don't need to know now
Jamie: I do!
Janelle: So you know whether to go in the car or not?

"I brought Parkies with me . . . don't bite them." -Monica
"Stop riding Rebecca, lets go." -Janelle to Dana
"Hey I liked it when I was unbuttoning your shirt." -Rebecca to Jenn
"Get Off!" -Janelle singing

Rebecca: Wait, my sweatshirts being pulled off of me
Dana: Oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh!!!!!!!

Scene of the Day: Dana riding Rebecca on the floor to the front door

"Wait a little while and then we'll smoke you" -Rebecca to Janelle
"I like cutting meat for people . . . I really do!" -Dana
"Emily, is that your tongue (and then she bit Emily) . . . What did I just bite!?!?!!!" -Rose
"Take your pants off!" -Jamie to Rose
"Did you ever hear the song back off bitch?" -Rose
"You don't throw out art like that . . . it's a turkey!" -Rose
"I just like playing with them, not eating them." -Dana

Lesley: All the animals are coming in my pocket!
Dana: Are they hard or soft?
Jamie: Apparently they're hard in Lesley's pocket
"Will someone please strip her?!" -Rebecca about Dana
"Ow nipple issues . . ." -Dana
"If you get it inside the banana I'll respect you forever." -Rebecca to Dana
"In the banana, I want nuthin but banana" -Rebecca
"I'm good at getting them in your shirt." -Rebecca to Dana

Dana: I just want to get it down your shirt
Rebecca: I just want to get it down your shirt
Dana: you missed
Dana: I missed

S.O.D. Marshmallow fight

Rebecca: Just cause my aim is better than yours . . .
Dana: that's not what you said last night

Robin: You are not happy to see Bob
Katie: Only in a sick, perverted way

Maia: I'll sit like a real person
Janelle: Sit like a real person? As opposed to sitting like Maia

"They won't mutilate Scully, do you know how many lesbians would stop watching the show" -Robin (I would) -Dana

"She's squirmy!" -Katie
"Waffle shirts, I fully endorse those." -Janelle
"My cunt is very sensative" -Erica
"Maia lit it and Dana pulled it out." -Janelle
"Somebody lost their cherry." -Maia

S.O.D. Dana trying to find her lost cherry

"Have the pickle, I want the cherry tomatoe." -Janelle to Stephanie
"Oooooooooooh it's a big one!" -Stephanie in a state of excitement
"If I come over there will you do what you did to me at lunch." -a hopeful Monica to Janelle
"Hey Monica if you come over here I'll give you a little somin, somin"-Janelle
"Janelle, you can untie my shirt if you want." -Monica
"Nobody important is Swiss!" -Monica
"Wait, 11's not a number!" -Maia
"Foxes do NOT eat grapes" -Stephanie confidently, as she was so very very wrong
"I'm gonna make you Japanese." -Janelle to Maia
"Can I have some more so I don't have to feel you up anymore?!" -Janelle to Maia
"There's like a big winter place . . ." -Monica on Siberia
"Who was that little dude . . . Dennis the Menace!" -Janelle

Monica: She can't pronounce shit, I don't want her reading it
Louisa: You can't pronounce "shit"

"I feel like I'm a penis head." -Maia

Maia: What do you want
Janelle: You right now

"What did we choose by the way . . . sluts." -Rose
"Take off your shirt and lay down" -Rose to Jean
"Look everybody, see the spermies" -Janelle

"Somebody who looks funny, play with the baby." -Monica

Janelle: I never get creative what are you talking about
Rebecca: Your middle name's creative
Janelle: My middle name is Marie

"Jamie get out of there, you're useless" -Monica

S.O.D.
Jenn jumping up and down chanting "69"

"You can't get hurt, you have to help me get dressed." -Rebecca to Jenn

"But you do the love shack so well." -Stefanie to Janelle
"Sessions house is on crack" -Lesley
"I didn't know there were words to that song." -Lesley about "Walk Like an Egyptian"
"That's what I want to do when I grow up, make the background music for Kareoke songs, that's my goal." -Lesley

Julia: You missed Janelle doing "The Love Shack"
Dana: That's everyday

"Homer is my God-it's decided" -Lesley
"Oh My God, the Simpson's are my family" -Lesley
"No more crack for Hillary" -Hillary

"I don't think Janelle knows much about being strait, but I think she can cut strait." -Louisa
"Aww . . . hick sex." -Hillary
"Oh, hairy hick armpits . . . thanks." -Hillary
"You're doing cocaine and you have a B average. That's impressive" -Lesley to Julia
"I'll marry you anytime, Julia" -Monica

"Oh Jeeze, I'm all wet" -Rose

Julia: I like to pretend I'm superman
Rose: I AM superman
Kali: NO you're not
Rose: I'm not Christopher Reeves? (Saddened)
Julia: You're MY Christopher Reeves, Rose.

"I've never snorted until this year." -Ine
"You are not gay, I love you." -Rose

"Ohio is near lake . . . nothing." -Rose
"What are all those wet sparkling people about." -Lesley
"I want to be a naked wet girl." -Lesley
"I didn't get Nickelodeon because I was depraved . . . deprived. I guess I'm both." -Rose
"Take your nipples off." -Rose
"I can probably fly around tiwh my ass flying out like that." -Lesley
"Why are there flying rampant asses?' -Lesley
"Jamie and I did our virgin voyage together." -Janelle
"Jamie and I shared a bond and I sat on her lap for a long time." -Janelle
"Should I shave my lip?!!!!!!?!!" -Hillary

Leila: Who's that?
Rose: The drummer
Leila: I find him not [attractive, that is]

"I was just showing her the fun things I can do with my tounge." -Rose in self defense to Janelle

Rose: We both know that sooner or later if you're mentally attracted to someone you'll be phsyically attracted to them. That's how it is with us
Janelle: I was physically attracted to you first . . .

"Sorry Rose, you're not real" -Nellie

"Why don't you just spread your legs if you're gonna look at someone like that?" -Rose to Janelle
"I've always thought you'd be a really good looking guy." -Rose to Janelle
"I'm sorry to have sexiled you" -Rose to Maia
"We had to have dolphin foreplay." -Rose about sex with Janelle

Janelle: You guys want to see how we [Janelle and Rose] have sex?!
Maia and Julia: NO!

"I don't care who gets the points, I'm scoring" -Jamie

Rebecca Lay: Can you pull down your pants?
Lesley: In general or total

Scene of the Day: Lesley pulls down her pands all the way, looks pretty damn naked, as her friend returns from the bathroom and ends up standing behind her. At this realization, she falls on her ass laughing.

"No you weren't the first, and yes we've discussed this." -Rebecca Lay to Stefanie
"I had sex in here last night." -Margot matter of factly of the VCR room in the Annex
"Don't get so high and Connecticut mighty on me." -Shauna to Julia

"It's not long enough to be anything but short." -Janelle about hair

Janelle: Dana, your breasts are choking me
Dana: What a pleasurable way to go

"Why are you pulling my pants down?!" -Rebecca to Dana
" . . .like turkeys . . . and monkeys . . . Hickeys are like turkeys and monkeys." -Julia
"If only you guys knew the things I've licked and made better." -Lesley
"Lesley, you're making my toes curl." -Rose

Rose: Who just got a fucking license?
Lesley: I did, I'm of age . . . No wait, gay sex is illegal until 23.

"Yeah, I'm a closet lush." -Hillary
"This is not yammering, this is moving in." -Janelle to Rose
"This is not a safe place." -Erica circling her vagina
"I have David Silver hair." -Abby
"She's too pussy whipped for that." -Janelle explaining her control over Jenn

Rose: I would make out if I were in bed with someone (as she kisses Lesley
Leila: anyone? *smirks*

"I want to see the creepy man with the balloons!" -Kali
"Scrod: it sounds like something you do in a dark room when the kids are at a movie" -Hillary